66
Paradoxes
That all things kill themselues
To affect, yea to effect their owne deathes, all liueinge are im-
portuned, not by nature only wch:which perfectes them, but by Art
and education wch:which perfectes her. Plantes quickened, and inhabited
by the most vnworthy Soule, wch.which therefore neither will, nor
worke, affect an end, a perfection a death. This they send their
Spirittes to attaine, this attayned they languish, and wither:
And by how much more they are by mans Industry warm'd,
and cherished and pampered, for much the more early they clime
to this perfection, this Death; And if betweene men not to
defend, bee to kill, what a hainous selfe murther is it, not to
defend it selfe,? This Defence because Beastes neglect, they
kill themselves, because they exceede vs in Nomber, strength
and lawless liberty: yea of Horses, and soe of other Beastes
they wchwhich inherite most courage, by beinge bred of gallantest
Parentes, and by artificiall Nursinge are bettered, will runne
to their owne deathes, neither sollicited by spurrs, wchwhich they
neede not, nor Honor wchwhich they apprehend not. If then
the valiant kill himselfe who can excuse the Coward? Or
how shall man be free from this, since the first mann
taught vs this. Except wee cannot kill our selves because
he killed vs all, yet least somethinge should repaire this
cōmoncommon ruine, wee dayly kill our selves, our Bodies wthwith
surfettes, and our mindes wthwith anguishes of our powers
remembringe kills our memory of affertiones, Lustinge
our lustes: of vertues givinge kills liberality, and of these
thinges kill themselves, they doe it in their best and supreame
affection perfection, for after perfections imediately followes
excess; wchwhich changeth the natures, and the names, and
makes
makes them not the same thinges. If then the best thinges
kill themselves soonest, (for noe affliction endures, and all
thinges labour to this perfection) all travayle to their owne death:
yea the frame of the whole world (if it were possible for
God to be idle) because it began must die. Then in this
idleness imagined in God, what would kill the world but it
selfe since out of it nothinge is
That woemen ought to paint themselues
ffowlenessFowleness is loathsome, can that be soe too wchwhich helpes it?
who forbids his beloved to gird in her wast, to mend by
shooinge her uneven lameness, to burinsh her teeth, or perfume
her breath, yet that the face be more precisely regarded; it
concernes more. fforFor as open confessinge sinners, are alwayes
punished, but the ordinary and concealed offendinge, wthwithout
wittness, doe it wthwithout pumshment: Soe the secrett partes
and needless respect, but of the face, discovered to all examina-
tions and surveyes, there is not to nice a Jelousie; Nor
doth it only draw the busie eye; but also is subiect to the
divinest touch of all, to kissinge, the strange and misticall
vnion of Soules. If shee should prostitute herselfe, to a
more worthy man then thy selfe, how earnestly, and how
iustly would'st thou exclaime. Then for want of this
easie, and ready waye of repairinge, to betraye her body
to ruine, and deformitie, the tyrannous Ravishers and
suddayne Deflowers of all woemen, what a hainous
Adultery it is? what thou lovest most in her is face
and coullor, and this paintinge gives it. But thou
hatest it not because it is; But because thou knowest it,
The
67
The starrs, the Sun, the Skye, whom thou admirest
haue noe collour, but are faire because the seeme colloured,
If this seeminge will not satisfie thee in her, thou hast good
assurance of her coullor when thou seest her laye it on
If her face be painted vppon a Boord, or wall thou
wilt love it, and the Boord, and the wall; canst thou
loath it then when it smiles, speakes, and kisleskisses, because
it is painted? Is not the Earthes face in the most
pleasinge season painted? Are wee not more delighted
wthwith seeinge Birdes, and fruites, and beastes, painted, then
wee are wthwith naturalls? And doe wee not wthwith pleasure
beholde the painted shapes of Divells, and monsters, whom
true wee durst not regard? wee repaire the ruines of
our houses, but first cold tempestes warne vs of it, and bite
vs through it: wee mend the wrack, and wash the staines
of our apparell, but first our eye, and other body is
offended: But by this providence of woemen this is
prevented: If in kissinge or breathinge vppon her, the
paintinge fall off thou art angry; wilt thou be soe if it
stick on? thou diddest love her; if thou beginn'st to hate her
then, it is because shee is not painted; If thou wilt say
now thou dids't hate her, before thou dids't hate her, and
love her together, be content in somethinge, and love her
who showes her greate love to thee, by takinge this paines
to seeme lovely to thee.
That olde men are more fantastique
then youge
Who reades this Paxadoxe but thinckes me more
fantastique, then I was yesterdaye when I did not thinke
thus
thus. And if one daye make this sensible channge in mee,
what will the burthen of many yeares? To be fantastique
in yonge men is conceipted distemperture, and a wittie
madnes; but in olde men (whose senses are withered) it
becomes naturall, therefore more full and perfect; fforFor as
when wee sleepe, our fantasie is more stronge; for it is in
age, wchwhich is a slumber of the Deepe sleepe of Death. They
taxe vs of inconstancy, wchwhich in themselves yonge they
allowed, soe that reproovinge that wchwhich they did approove
their inconstancy exceeds ours, because they have changed
once more then wee, yet are they more idely busied;
in conceiptinge apparell then wee; fforFor wee when wee
are Melancholly, weare black, when lusty Greene,
when forsaken Tawny, pleasinge our owne inward affecti-
on leavinge them to others indifferent: But they prescribe
lawes and constraine the Noble, the Scholler, the Merchant
and all estates to Certaine habittes, The olde men of our
tyme have chaunged wthwith patience their owne bodies, much
of their lawes, and much of their language, yea their
Religion. yet they accuse vs. To be amorous is amo-
rous, and proper and naturall in a yonge man, in an
olde man most fantastique. And that ridlinge humor
of Iealousie, wchwhich seekes and would not finde, wchwhich inquires
and repentes his knowledge, is in them most CōmonCommon
yet most fantastique, yea that wchwhich falls never amonge
yonge men, is amonge them most fantastique, and
naturall, that is Covetousnes, even at their Iournies
end to make greate provision. Is any habitt in yonge
men so fantastique? as in the hottest seasons, to be
double
68
double gowned, and hooded like our Elders? and seemes
it so ridiculous to weare longe haire, as to weare none?
Truly as among'st Philosophers the Sceptique wchwhich
doubtes all is more contentious, then either the Dogmatique
wchwhich affirmes, or the Academique wchwhich denies all: So are
these vncertaine Elders wchwhich both call themselves fantasti-
que, wchwhich followes others inventions, and them also wchwhich
are ledd by their owne humors suggestion, more fantastique
then either
That Nature is our worst
Guide
Shall shee be guide to all Creatures wch:which is herself one?
Or if shee haue herselfe a guide, shall any creature
have a fitter guide then wee? The affections of Lust and
anger, yea, even to erre is naturall, shall wee followe
these? can shee be a good guide to vs, wchwhich Corrupted not vs only
but her selfe? was not the first man by desire of knowledge
Corrupted, even in the whitest integritie of Nature? And did
not nature (if nature doe any thinge) infuse into him this
desire of knowledge, and soe this Corruption in him, in
her selfe, in vs, if by nature wee shall vnderstand our
essence, our definition, our reasonablenes, then this beinge
alike CōmonCommon to all, the Ideot, and the wisard beinge
equally reasonable; why shall not all men havinge equal-
ly one nature, followe one cause? or if wee shall
vnderstand our inclinations; Alass how vnable a guide
is that wch:which followes the temperature of slymie bodies?
for wee cannot saye that we derive our inclinations,
our mindes, our soules, to our parentes by any waye.
To
To saye it is as all from all is errour in reason, for
them wthwith the first nothinge remaines: or as part from all
is errour in experience; for then this part equally
imparted to many Children would (as Gavelkinde-landes)
in fewe generations become nothinge or to saye it by
CōmunicationCommunication is errour in Divinity: for to cōmunicatecommunicate the
abilitie of CōmunicatingeCommunicatinge whole essence wthwith any but God,
is vtter blasphemy. And if thou hast thy ffathesFathesffFathers nature,
and inclynation, he also had his ffathersFathers, and so Clyminge
vp all come of one man, all haue one nature, all embrace
one Course. But that cannott bee, therefore our complections,
and whole Bodies wee inheritt from our ffathersFathers, our incly-
nations and mindes follow that: if our minde is heavy, in our
Bodies afflictions; and reioyceth in the Bodies pleasures,
How then shall this nature governe vs wch:which is governed by
the worst part of vs? Nature though wee chace it awaye
will returne, ti's true, but those good motions; and inspirations
wchwhich are our Guides, must be woewed and Courted, and
welcomed, or else they abandon vs, and that olde Tu nihil
inuita &c must not be said that thou shalt, but thou wilt
doe nothinge against nature; so vnwillinge he notes vs
to curbe our naturall appetites we call our Bastardes
alwayes vnnaturall Children and issue: and wee designe
a ffooleFoole by no name so ordinarily as by the name of
naturall: And that poore knowledge whereby wee but
Conceive what raine is, what Thunder, what winde
we call Metaphisick supernaturall such smale thinges,
such nothinge doe wee allowe to our plane natures
Comprehension. Lastly by followinge her, wee loose the
plesaunt, and lawfull cōmoditiescommodities of this life; fforFor we shall
drinke
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Drinke water, and eate Accorns, and rootes, and those
not so sweete and delicate as now by meanes art and industry
they are made. wee shall loose the necessities of societies, and
lawes, artes and sciences, wchwhich are all the workemanshipp of
man; yea wee shall lack the last best refuge of miserie,
Death, because no death is naturall. fforFor if wee will not
dare to call all death violent (though I see not why all
sicknesses are not violences) yet confesse that all deathes
proceede from the Defect of that wchwhich nature made perfect,
and would preserve, and therefore are all against Nature
That only Cowardes dare dye
Extreames are equally remou'd from the meane, soe that
headlonge desperatenes asmuch offendes true valour, as backward
Cowardize. Of wchwhich sort I reckon iustly all are vnforced deathes.
when will yoryour valiant men dye? ncessitednecessited, soe Cowardes suffer
what connotcannot be avoyded. And to runn to death vnimportuned, is
to runn is to runn into the first condemned desperatenes. will
he dye when he is rich, and happy, then by livinge he
might doe more good? and in afflictonaffliction, and miserie; Death
is the chosen refuge of Cowardes. fortiter ille facit qui
miser esse potest; but it is taughtaught and practised amongst
our valiant'st, that rather then our reputation suffer any
mainemaime, or wee any miserie, wee shall offer our breastes to
the Cannons mouth, yea to our swordes poyntes. And this
seemes a very brave, and a very clymeinge, wchwhich is indeede
a very Cowardly, and earthly, and a very grouelinge
Spiritt: why doe they clayme these slaues to the Gallies,
but that they thirst their deathes, and would at every
lash
lash leape into the Sea? why doe they take weapons from
Condemned men, but to barr them from that ease, wchwhich
Cowardes affect, a speedy death. Truly his life is A
Tempest, and a warfare, and he that dare dye, to escape
the anguish of it, seemes to mee to be so valiant, as hee
dares hange himselfe, least he should be prest to the warrs,
I have seene one in that, extreamity of melancholly, wchwhich
then was become madnes, strive to make his owne breath
an Instrument to stopp his breath, and to labour to choake
himselfe, but alass he was madd. And I know an other
that languished vnder the oppression of a poore disgrace,
that he tooke more paines to dye, then would haue served
to haue nourished life; and spiritt enough to haue outlived
his Disgrace, what ffooleFoole would call this Cowardlynes valour,
or this basenes Humilitie? And lastly of these men
that dye, that Allegoricall death of entringe into Religion
howe fewe are found fitter for any showe of valiancy,
but only of softe, and supple mettall, made only for
Cowardly solitarines./
That the guiftes of the body are better then
the guiftes of the minde or fortune /
I saye againe that the body makes the minde, not that
it creates; but formes it, a good, or bad, minde, And this
minde maye be Confounded wthwith soule; wthoutwithout any violence,
or iniustice to reason, or philosophie: then our soules (mee
seemes) is enabled by the body; not this by that. my body
licenceth my soule to see the worlds beauties through mine
eyes, to heare pleasaunt thinges through mine eares, and
affordes
70
affordes it apt Organs of Conveyance of all perceiveable
delightes. But alass my soule cannot make any part, that
is not of it selfe disposed, see, or heare, though wthwithout doubt
shee be as able, and as willinge to see behinde, as before,
Now if my soule would saye that she enables my partes
to tast these pleasures; but is herselfe only delighted, wthwith
those rich sweetenesses, that her inward eye, and sences
apprehend, shee should dissemble. fforFor I feele her often
sollaced wthwith beauties, wchwhich shee sees through mine eyes, and
Musick wchwhich through mine eares shee heares; This perfection
then my Body hath, that it can impart to my minde, all her
pleasures: and my minde still hath many that shee can
neither teach my indisposed partes her faculties, nor to the
partes best disposed shew that beauty of Angells, of Musick,
of Spheares, whereof she boastes the contemplation. Are
Chastity, temperance, ffortitudeFortitude, guiftes of the minde? I
appeale to the phisitians, whether the cause thereof be not
in the Body. Health is a guift of the Body, and patience
in sicknes of the minde: then who will saye this patience
is as good a happines as health, when you must be extream-
ly miserable to haue this happynes? And for nourishinge
of Civill societies, and mutuall love amongst men,
wchwhich is our Choise end and why wee were men. I saye the beau-
ty, proportion, and presence of the body, hath a more
masculine force in begettinge this love, then the vertues
of the minde, for it strikes vs suddenly, and possesseth
vs imediately, when to know these vertues, requires
sound Iudgment in him wchwhich shall discerne, and a longe
tryall, and conversation betweene them, And even at last,
alass how much of our faith and beleeffe shall wee bee
driuen
driven to bestowe, to assure our selves, that these vertues are
not Counterfeited? for it is the same to be, and to seeme
vertuous, because he that hate noe vertue can dissemble,
none; but he that hate a little may guild and enamell; yea
and transforme much vice into vertue. fforFor allow a mann to
be discreete, and fflexibleFlexible to Companies (wchwhich are greate
vertues and guiftes of the minde) this Discretion willewilbe to him
the soule, and Elixar of all vertues, soe that he touched
wthwith this, even pride shalbe made humility, and Cowardize
honorable, and wise valour. but in thinges seene, there is
not this daunger, for the body wchwhich thou lovest, and esteemest
faire, if faire Certainely, and if it be not faire in ꝑfectionperfection
yet it is faire in that degree, that thy Iudgment is good,
and in a faire Body; I doe seldome suspect a disproportioned
minde, or an exceedinge good in a deformed. And when I
see a goodly house, I assure my selfe of a worthy professor,
and from runious withered buildinges I turne awaye,
because it seemes, either stuffed wthwith verlottes, or a prison,
or handled by an vnworthy Teninte, that soe suffereth the
wast thereof. And truly the guiftes of ffortuneFortune, wchwhich are
riches, are only handmaides, yea Pandars of the Bodies
pleasures; wthwith their service wee nourish health, and preserve
Beauty, and wee buy delightes, soe that vertue wchwhich must
be beloved for her selfe, and respectes noe further end, is
indeede nothinge, and riches whose end is the good of the
Body, connot be so good perfectly, as the end where vnto
it levells
That
71
That a wise man is knowne by
much laughinge
Ride si sapis O puella ride. If thou beest wise laugh.
fforFor since the powers of discourse and reason, and laughter,
be equally proper only to man, why shall not hee bee
most wise, that hath most vse of laughinge, aswell as hee
that hath most vse of reasoninge, and discoursinge; I alwayes did,
and shall vnderstand that Adage: per mutum risum possis
cognoscere stultum; that by much laughinge thou maist
know there is a foole; not that the laughinge are ffoolesFooles, but
that amongst them there is some ffooleFoole, that wise men laugh at:
wchwhich mooved Erasmus to put this Argument
in the mouth of his folly, that shee made beholders laugh,
for ffoolesFooles are most laughed at, and laugh least themselves
of any. And Nature sawe this facultie to be so necessarie
in man, that she hath beene content, that by more causes
wee should be importuned to laugh, then to any of any other
power for thinges in themselves vtterly contrary begett this
effect, for wee laugh both at witty, and at absurd thinges
at both wchwhich sorte I haue seene men laugh soe longe and soe
earnestly, that at last they haue wept that they could
laugh noe more; And therefore the Poet havinge discribed
the quietnesse of a wise retyred man saith in one what
wee have said in many lines before. Quid facit Camus
tuus? ridet. wee have received that extremitie of laughinge
yea of weepinge also hath beene accompted wisdome, and
Democritus, and Heraclitus, the Lovers of these extreames
have beene also the Lovers of wisdome. Now amongst our
wisemen, I doubt not but many would be found, who
would laugh at Heraclitus his weepinge, but none that
would
would weepe at the laughinge of Democritus At the
hearinge of CōmœdiesCommoedies, or other wittie reportes I have noted
some, wchwhich not vnderstandinge Ieastes, yet have Chosen
this, as the best meanes to seeme wise, and vnderstanding
to laugh when their Companions laugh, and have presumed
them ignorant whom I have seene vnmooved A ffooleFoole if he
come to a Princes Court, and see a gay man leaninge at the
wall, soe glitteringe, soe painted in many Collours, that he
is hardly discerned from one of the Pictures in the Arras
hanginge; his body like an Iron bound Chest girt in, and
thicker ribb'd wthwith broad gould laces maye (and cōmonlycommonly doth)
envie him, but alass shall a wise man, that maye not, not
only envie but pittie this Monster doe nothinge? yes,
let him laugh. And if one of these Collerick hott fire brandes,
wchwhich nourish themselves by quarrelinge, and kindlinge others,
spitt vppon a ffooleFoole, but one Sparke of disgrace, he like
a thatched house quickly burninge, maye be angry; But
the wise man as Could as the Salamander may not only
not be angrie wthwith him, but not be sorry for him; therefore
let him laugh, soe shall he be knowne to be a man that can
laugh, a wise man that he knowes at what to laugh, and a
valiant man that he dares laugh, fforFor who laughs is iustly
reputed more wise then at whom it is laughed. And hence
I thinck proceedes that wchwhich in these latter formall tymes I
haue much noted, that now when our superstitious civility
of manneres is growen, and become but a mutuall ticklinge
flatterie, from one another, almost every one affectes a
humor of iestinge, and is content to deiect, and deforme
himselfe, yea to become a ffooleFoole to no other end that I
can espie, but to give his wise Compainon occasion to laugh,
and to shew themselves wise, wchwhich promptnes of
laughinge
72
laughinge, is so greate in wise men, that I thinck all
wise men (if any wise man doe reade this Paradoxe)
will laugh both at it and mee
That Good is more cōmoncommon
then euill
I have not beene so pittifully tired wthwith any vanatie, as
wthwith sillie old mens exclayminge, against these tymes, and
extollinge their owne. Alass they betraye themselves fforFor if
the tymes, be chaunged, their manners have changed them?
but their sences are to pleasure, as sick mens tast to liquors,
for indeed noe new thinge is done in the world. All thinges are
what, and as they were, and good is as ever it was, more
plenteous and must of necessity be more cōmoncommon. It makes
love to all Creatures, and all affectes it, soe that in the worldes
early infancy there was a tyme, when nothinge was evill;
But if this world shall suffer dotage in the extreamest
Crookedness thereof, there shall be no tyme when nothinge
shalbe good, It dares appeare and spread, and Glister
in the world, but evill buries it selfe in night, and darkenes,
and is suppressed and Chasticed, when good is cherished, and
rewarded. And as Embroderers, Lapidaries, and other
Artisanes, can by all thinges adorne their worke, and by addinge
better thinges, better their shewe, lustre, and eminencie.
So good doth not only prostitute her owne amiablenes to
all, but refuseth noe end, no not of her owne contrary
evill; that shee maye be more cōmoncommon to vs. for evill
manners are parents of good lawes, and in every evill
there is an excellency, wchwhich in CōmonCommon speech wee call good
fforFor the ffashionFashion of our habittes, for our movinge in gestures,
for
for phrases of our speach, wee saye they are good, as longe
as they were vsed, that is as longe as they were CōmonCommon:
and wee eate, wee walke, wee sleepe, only when it is, or
seemes good to doe soe All faire, all profitable, all vertues
is good; and these three thinges embrace all thinges; but
their vtter Contraries of wchwhich also faire maye be rich, and
rich vertuous. Poore maye be vertuous, and faire, vicious
maye be faire, and rich, soe that God hath this meanes
to be cōmoncommon that some subiectes shee can possess intirely
and in subiectes poysoned wthwith evill, she can humbly
stoope to accompany the evill, and of indifferent thinges
many are become good, by beinge CōmonCommon; as customes by
vse are made binding lawes. But I remember nothinge
that is therefore ill, because it is CōmonCommon, but woemen; of
whom also they that are most CōmonCommon are the best of the
occupation thythey professe
That by discord things increase
Nullos ess Deos mane, cœlum affirmat Selius probat
qdquod se factũfactum uidit dum negat hæc beatam.
So I asseuer this the more boldly because whilest I
mainetaine it, and feele the Contrary, repugnancies,
and adverse fightinges of the Elementes in my Body
my body increaseth, and while I differ in CōmonCommon
opinions by this Discord the number of my Paradoxes
encreaseth: All the rich benefittes, wchwhich wee can frame to
our selves in concord is but an even consideration of
thinges: in wchwhich evenesse you maye expect noe Change
nor
73
nor motion, therefore no increase, or augmentation,
wchwhich is a member of motion, and if this vnitie, and
peace can give increase to thinges, how mightely is discord
and warr to that purpose, wchwhich are indeed the ordinary
parentes of peace? discord is never so barren that it
affordes noe fruicte: for the fall of one state is at worst
the increasinge of an other, because it is as impossible
to finde a discōmoditydiscommodity wthoutwithout any advanntage, as to
finde corruption wthoutwithout generation: but it is the nature
and Office of Concord to preserve only, wchwhich propertie
when it leaves, it differs from it selfe, wchwhich is the gratest
discord of all. All victories, and Empires gain'd by
warr, and all Iudiciall decydinge of Doubtes in peace,
I clayme Children of Discord, and who can deny that
Controversies in Religion are growne greater by discord;
and not the controuersie; but even the Religion it selfe, for
in a troubled Ministry men are alwayes more religious
then in a secure peace, The nomber of good men, the
only Charitable nourishers of Concord wee see is thinn,
and dayly meltes and waines; but of bad discordinge it
is infinite, and growes howerly wee are ascertained, of
all disputable doubtes, only by arguinge, and Differinge
in opinion, and if formall disputation (wchwhich is but a
painted Counterfeite, and Dissembled discord) can worke
vs this benefitt, what shall not a full and maine discord
accomplish? Truly mee thinckes I owe a devotion
yea a sacrifice to discord for castinge that Ball on Ide
And for all that busines of Troye; whom ruin'd I
admire more then Rome, or Babylon, or Quinzay
nor
nor are remooved Corners only fullfilled wthwith her fame
but wthwith Citties and Thrones planted by her ffugitivesFugitives.
Lastly betweene Cowardize and dispaire valour is
gendered, and so the thethe discord of extreames begettes all
vertues: but of the like thinges there is no issue without
Myracle
Uxor pessima maritus pessimus
Mirror tam male conuenire
He wonders that betweene two so like there could be any
discord, yet for all this Discord perchaunce there was
nere the less increase.
That it is possible to finde some vertue
in some woemen
I am not of sear'd impudency that I dare Defend woe-
men, or pronounce them good: yet when wee see phisitians
allow some vertue in every poyson, alass why should
wee except woemen? since certainely they are good
for phisick, at least so as wine is good for a ffeaverFeaver.
and though they be the occasioners of most sinns, yet
they are also the punishers, and Revengers of the same
sinns. for I have seldome seene one wchwhich Consumes his
substance or body vppon them, escape diseases or beggery
And this is their Iustice: and if suum cuique dare,
be the fullfillinge of all Ciuill Iustice, they are most
iust. for they deny that wchwhich is theirs to no man,
Tanquam non liceat nulla puella negat. And who
maye
74
maye doubt of greate wisdome in them, that doth but
observe wthwith how much labour, and cunninge our Iustices
and other dispencers of the lawes, study to embrace
them, and how zealously our preachers Dehort men from
them only by vrginge their subtilties, and pollicies, and
wisdome wchwhich are in them, yea in the worst and most
prostitute sort of them, or who can deny them a
good measure of fortitude, if he consider how many
valiant men they have overthrowen, and beinge them
selves overthrowne, how much and how patiently they
beare, and though they be most intemperate, I care
not, for I dare vndertake to furnish herthem wthwith some vertue,
not wthwith all. Necessity, wchwhich makes even bad thinges good
prevayles also for them: for wee must saye of them,
as of som sharpe pinchinge lawes, If men were
more free from infirmities, they were needlesse;
but they are both good scourges for bad men; These
or none must serve for reasons, and it is my grea-
test happinesse that examples prove not rules, for
to confirme this opinion, the worldes yealdes not one
example
Probleme i
Probleme. i1
Why are Courtiers sooner Atheiste then men of
meaner condition? It is because Phisitians
Contemplatinge Nature, and findinge many obtruse
thinge subiect to the search of reason, thinck therefore that
all is soe. So they seeinge mens destinies made at Court,
Necks put out and in ioynt there, warrs, peace, life and
death deriu'd from thence, Clymbe no, higher, or
doth a familiarity of greatenes, and dayly acquaintance
and Conversation wthwith it; breed a contempt of all greatnes?
or because they see that opinion, and neede of one
another, and feare makes the Degrees of Servantes
Lordes and Kings, doe they thinck that God likewise
for such reasons hath beene mans Creator? perchaunce
it is because they see, vice prosper best there, or
burthened wthwith sinne, doe they not for their safe endea-
vour to put of the feare, and knowledge of God, as
facinorous men deny Maiestracy? or are they
therefore most Atheistes in that place, because it is
the ffooleFoole that saith in his hart there is no God?
2th
Why doth Sr:Sir W:Walter R:Raleigh write the Lyfe Story of these
tymes? Because beinge told at his arraignement, that
a wittness accusinge himselfe had the strength of twoe,
he thinkes by writinge the ills of his tyme to be
beleived
75
beleived or it is because he would re-enioye those
tymes by the mediation of them? Or because if hee
should vndertake higher tymes, he doth not thinck that
he can come and neere the beginninge of the worlde?
3th
Why doe greate men choose of all Dependantes to
preferr their Baudes? It is not because they gott
neerer their secrettes, for they whom they bringe were neerer,
Nor because CōmonlyCommonly they and their Baudes have lyen in
one Belly, for then they should loue their Bretheren
aswell. Nor because they are witness of their weakenes,
for they are weake ones; Either it is because they haue
a double hould, and Obligation vppon their Mrs;Masters by providing
them surgery and remedy after, aswell as pleasure before,
and bringinge them such stuff as they shall always
neede this service or because they maye be entertained
and received every where, and Lordes flinge of none but
such as they destroye by it; or perchaunce wee deceive
our selves, and every Lord havinge many, and of necessitie
some risinge, wee marke only those.
4th
Why doth not gould soyle the ffingersFingers? Doth it
direct all the venome to the hart? or is it because
bribinge should be discovered? or because that should pass
purely for wchwich pure thinges and given, as Loue, Honour,
Iustice, and Heaven, or doth it seldome come in Innocent
handes, but in such as for former foulenesse youyou connotcannot diserne
this?
5th
5th
Why dye none for love now? because woemen are
become easier? Or because these later tymes have provided
Mankinde of more new meanes for the destroyinge of
themselves, and one an other: Poxe, Gunnpouder,
younge mariadges, and Controversies in Religion? or
is there in truth noe president, or example of it, or
perchaunce some doe dye, but are therefore not
worthy, the remembringe, or speakinge of it
th6th6
Why do yonge layemen so much study divinity?
It is Is it because others tendinge busily Church
preferrment neglect to Study? or had the Church of
Rome shutt vpp all our wayes till the Lutherans brake
downe their vttermost subbornestubborne dores, and the Caluinistes
picked their inwardest, and subtillest lockes? Suerly the
Divell cannott be such a foole, to hope that he shall make
this Study contemptible by makinge it CōmonCommon: Nor
that as the Dwellers by the River Ongus, are said by
drawinge infinite ditches, to sprinckle, their barren
Country, to haue exhausted and intercepted the maine
Channell, and soe lost their more proffitable course to
the sea; soe wee by providinge every ones halfe
Divinity enough for his owne vse, should neglect
their Teachers and ffathersFathers He cannot helpehope for better
Herisies then he hath had, nor was his kingdome
ever so much advaunced by debatinge Religion, (though
wthwith some aspertions, and error, as by a dull and
sluggish security, in wchwhich many gross thinges are swallowed,
possibly
76
possibly out of such an ambition as wee now have, to speake
plainely, and fellowlie of kinges, and lordes, wee thinck
also to acquaint our selves wthwith Godes secrettes; or perchaunce
when wee studdy it, by minglinge humane respectes, it is
not Divinity/
7th
Why hath the CōmonCommon opinion afforded woemen soules?
It is agreed that wee have not so much from them as
any part of either of our mortall soules, of sence, or growth
and wee deny soules to others equall to them in all but
speach, for wchwhich they are beholdinge only to their bodilie
Instrumentes: for perchaunce, an Apes hart, or a goates,
a ffoxesFoxes, or a Serpentes would speake iust soe, if it
were in the breast, and could move the tonge and iawes.
Have they so many advauntages and meanes to hurt vs,
(for even their lovinge destroyes vs) that wee dare not
displease them, but give them what they will: And soe
when some Call them Angells, some Goddesses, and
they like Apuleion Heretickes made them Bishopps,
wee descend so much wthwith the streame to allow them,
soules, or doe wee somewhat in this dignifying them
fflatterFlatter Princes and greate Personages that are so much
governed by them. Or doe wee in that easines and prodi-
gallitie, wherein wee dayly loose our owne soules, allowe
soules to wee care not to whom? and so labour to per-
swade our selves, that since a woeman hath a soule, a
soule is no greate matter? or doe wee but lend them
soules, and for vse, since they for our sakes give
their
their soules againe, and their Bodies to boote or
perchaunce because the Divell doth most mischeeffe
is all soule for Conveniency and proportion, because
they would Come neere him wee allow them some
soule, and bee as the Romans naturalized some provin-
ces in Revenge, and made them Romans only for
the burthen of the CōmonCommon wealth, soe wee have given
woemen soules only to make them capable of Damnation.
8th
Why are the fairest falsest?
I meane not of false Alcamy Beauty, for then the
question should be inverted, why are the fasesefalsest
fairest. It is not only because they are much sollicited,
and sought for, soe as golde yet is not soe cōmingecomminge. And
this sute to them should teach them their value, and make
them more reserved. Nor is it because delicatest
bloud, hath best spirittes, for whates that to the flesh?
Perchaunce such constitutions haue the best wittes and
there is no other proportionall subiect for woemens
witt, but deceipt; Doth the minde so follow the temper
of the body that because those complections are aptest
to Change, the minde is therefore so too? or as Bells
of the sweetest mettalls, retayne the tincklinge, and sound
longest, so the memory of the last pleasure, lastes
longer in these, and Dispossesse them to the next.
But sure it is not in the Complexion, for those wchwhich
doe
77
Doe but thinck themselves faire, are presenlypresently inclyned
to this multiplicitie of loves, wchwhich beinge but faire in
Conceipt are false indeed. And so perchaunce when they
are borne to this beauty, or have made it, or have dream'd
it, they easilie beleeve all addresses, and applaications
of every man, and of a sence of their owne worthines to
be directed to them, wchwhich others less worthy in their owne
thoughtes, apprehend not, or discredit. But I thinck
the true reason is that beinge liker gould in many pro-
perties, as that all scatchsnatch at them, that all Corruption
is by them, that the worst possesse them, that they care
not how deepe wee digg for them, and that by the lawe
of nature O occpandi conceditur they would be alsoe
like in this, that as gould to make it of vse admittes allay
So that they maye be tractable, and malliable, and
Currant, have for their allay falsehood
9th
Why haue Bastards best fortunes
Because fortune herselfe is a whoore: But such are
not the most indulgent to their Children; The olde
naturall reason that these meetinges in stoln love are most
vehement, and so Contribute more spiritt, then the easie
and lawfull might governe mee, but that I see
now that mistresses are become domestique, and in-
ordinary, and they and wiues waite but by turnes,
and
and agree aswell as if they lived in the Arke. The olde
morrall reason that Bastards inheritt wickedness from
their parentes, and so are in a better waye of preferrment
by havinge a stock before hand, then those wchwhich must build
all their fortune vppon the poore and weake stock of originall
sinn might prevayle wthwith mee, but that since wee are
fallen into such tymes, as now the world might spare
the Divell because wee could be badd enough wthwithout him
I see men scorne to be wicked by example, or to be behol-
dinge to others for their Damnation. It seemes resonable
that since lawes robb them of successions, and Civill
benefittes, they should have nothinge else equivalent.
As nature wchwhich is lawes patterns, havinge denyed
woemen constancy to one, hath provided them wthwith
Cunninge to allure many. And soe Bastards deiure
should have better wittes and abilities. But besides
that experience wee see many ffoolesFooles amongst them,
wee should take from them one of their choise helpes to
preferrment, if wee should deny them to be ffoolesFooles. And
that wchwhich is only left that woemen vse worthyer persons
then their husbands is false De facto, Either then it
must bee that the Church havinge remoou'd them from
all place in the publique service of God, they have
thereby better meanes then others to be wicked, and soe
fortunate, or else because the two greatest powers in
the world the Divell, and Princes Concurre to their
greatenes, that one givinge Bastardy the other
Legittimation, as nature frames, and Conserves
greate
78
greate Bodies of Contraries, or perchaunce it is
because they abound most at Court, wchwhich is the fforgeForge,
where fortunes are made, or at least the Shopp where
they are sould
10th
Why Puritans make longest Sermons
It needs not for perspicuousnes, for God knowes they
are plaine enough. Nor doe all of them use the longe
sembreiff accent, some of them have Crochettes enough.
It maye be they pretend not to rise like the glorious
Tapers, or Torches, but like longe thinn, wretched, and
sick watch Candles wchwhich languish, and are in a divine
Consumption from the first minute, yea on their snuffes
and thinck then the others in their more proffitable glory
I have thought sometymes, that out of conscience they
allow lardge measure, to course ware, and sometymes
that vsurpinge in that place a liberty to speake freely of
kinges, and all they thinck themselves kinges then, and
would raigne as longe as they could. But now I
thinck they doe it out of a zealous imagination, that it
is their duty to preach on, till their auditory wake
againe
11
Why doth the Poxe soe much affert
to vndermine the Nose
Paracelsus perchaunce sayes true, that every disease
hath his exalation in some certaine place; but why this
in
in the nose? Is there soe much more in this disease, that
it provides that one should not smell their owne stinck?
or hath it but the CōmonCommon that beinge begott, and bred in
the obscurest, secretest Corner (because therefore his
serpentine Crawlinges and insinuatiationsinsinuations, be not suspec-
ted nor seene) he comes sooner to greate place, and is able
to destroy the worthyest members, then a disease better
borne.Perchaunce as mise deceive Elephantes, by
gnawinge their Proboscis (wchwhich is their nose) this wretched
Indian vermine practised to doe the same uppon vs.
or as the auncyent furious Custome, and Connivence of
some lawes that one might Cutt off their noses whom hee
deprehended in Adultery was but a Type of this; And
now that more Charitable lawes, have taken awaye all
revenge from particuler handes, this CōmonCommon Maiestrate
and executioner, is to me to doe the same Office invisibly
or by wchwhich drawinge this conspicuous part of the nose, it
warnes from adventuringe vppon that Coast, for it is as
good as a marke to take in a flagge, as to hange out one.
Possibly heate, wchwhich is more potent and active then colde,
thought her selfe inured, and the harmony of the world out
of tune; when Colde was able to shew the high wayes
wthwith noses in Muscouie, except she found the meanes
to doe the same in other Countries. But because by
Consent of all there is an Al Analogie and proportion,
and affection betweene the nose and that part, where
this Disease is first Contracted, and therefore Heliogabu-
lus chose not his Minion in the Bath, but by the nose
And
79
And Albertus had a knavish meaninge when he preferred
greate Noses; and the licentious Poet was Nase Poeta
I thinck this reason is neerest truth, that the nose is most
Compassionate wthwith that part, Except bee neerer
that it is resonable, that this disease should in ꝑticulerparticuler
affect the most eminent, and conspicuous part, wchwhich
amongst men in generall doth affect to take houlde
of the most eminent and most conspicuous men/
12th
Why doe woemen delight soe much
in ffeathersFeathers
They thinck that ffeathersFeathers imitate winges, soe shew
their nestlesnes, and instabilitie as they are in matter
soe would they also be in name like Embroderers Pain-
ters, and such Artificers, of Curious vanities, wchwhich the
vulgar edition calls Pluminaries. Or else they love
ffeathersFeathers vppon the same reason wchwhich mooves them to
loue the vnworthyest men, wchwhich is that they mayebe
thereby excusable in their inconstancy and often change/
13th
Why are States men most
incredulous
Are they all wise enough to follow their excellent
Patterne Tiberius? who brought the Senate, to be dili-
gent and industrious to beleeve him, were it ever soe
opposite and diamotricalldiametricall, that is destroyed their very
ends
ends to be beeleived; And Asinius Gallus had almost
dceaved this man by beleevinge him, And the Maior and
Aldermen of London Richard the 3d. or as buisness
about wthwith these men are Conversant, soe coniecturall,
so subiect to vnsuspected interventions, that they are
enforced to speake Graculously, Multiformely, whispe-
ringly, Generally, and thereby escapeingly in the
language of Almanack makers for weather; or are
those as they call them Arcana Imperii, as by whom
the Prince provokes his lust, and by whom he ventes it;
of what cloath his sockes are, and such soe deepe, and
so irrevealed, as any error in them is inexcusable: If
there were the reasons they would not only serve for
estate busines. But why will they tell true, what a
Clock it is, and what weather, but abstaine from truth of
it, If it disconduce not to their ends, As witches wchwhich
will not name Iesus, though it be in a Cursse, either they
know little out of their owne Elementes, or a Custome
in one matter begettes a habitt in all, or the lower sort
imitate the Lordes, they their Princes, these thire
Prince, or else they beleeve one an other, and so never
heare truth; or they abstaine from the little Channell
of truth, least at last they should finde the fountaine
of it selfe God
Why venus
80
Why venus Starr only doth
cast a Shaddowe
Is it because it is nearer the earth? but they whose
profession is to see that nothinge be done in Heauen
wthoutwithout their consent as Re sayes in himselfe
of Astrologers) have bid Mercury to be nearer. Is
it because the workes of venus want shadowinge, Cove-
ringe, and Disguisinge? But those of Mercury needes
it more; for eloquence shis occupation is all shaddow
and collours. Lett our life be a Sea, and then our reason,
and even passions are winde enough to Carry vs
whither wee would goe. But Eloquence is a storme,
and Tempest that miscaries. And who doubtes that
eloquence wchwhich must perswade people to take a yoake
of Soveraignety and then beg, and make lawes to tye
themselves faster, and then give mony to the invention,
repaire and strengthen it) needes more shaddowes
and collouringes then to perswade any man or woeman
to that wch:which is naturall. And Venus markettes are so
naturall, that when wee sollicite the best waye (wchwhich is
by marriadge) our perswations worke not soe much to
drawe a woeman to vs, as against her nature to
drawe her from all other besides; And soe when wee
goe against nature, and from venus worke (for
mariadge is Chastitie) wee neede shaddowes, and
Collours, but not else. In Senecaes tyme it was a
Course an vn-Romane, and a Contemptible thinge
even in a Matron, not to haue had alone besides her
husband
husband, wchwhich though the lawe required not at their hands,
yet they did it zealously out of the ConncellCouncell of the custome,
and fashion, wchwhich was venery of Supererogation
Et te spectator plusquam delectat adulter
saith Martial and Horace because many lightes would
not shew him enough created many Images of the
same obiect by wainescottinge his Chamber wthwith lookinge
Glasses. So then venus flyes not light so much as
Mercury, who creepinge into our vnderstandinge, our
darkenes would be defeated, if he were perceived. Then
either this shaddow confesseth that same darke Melancholly
repentance wchwhich accompanies, or that so violent fires
needs some shadowy refreshinge, and intermission,
or else light, signifyinge both daye and youth, and
Shaddow both night, and age, shee pronounceth by
this that shee professeth, both all persons, and tymes
Why is venus Starr Multi-nominous
called both Hesperus, and vesper:
The Moone hath as many names, but not that as
shee is a Starr; but as shee hath divers govermentes
But venus is Multi-nominous to give Example to
her prostitute disciples, who so often either to renewe, or
refresh themselves towards Lovers, or to disguise them-
selves from Maiestrates, or to take new names: It
maye be shee takes new names after her many
functions: fforFor as shee is asupreamea supreame Monarch of
all
81
all Sunns at lardge (wch:which is lust) soe is she joyned in
CōmissionCommission wthwith all Mithologickes, wthwith Juno, Diana, and
all others for mariadge. It maye be because of the diverse
names to her selfe, fforFor her affections have more names,
then any vice, vizt. Pollution, ffornicationFornication, Adultery,
La-Incest, Church-Incest., Rape, Sodomie, Mascupra-
tion, Masturbation, and a Thousand others. Perchance
her divers names shewed her appliablenes to divers
men, fforFor Neptune distilled, and wett her in love, the
Sunn warmes, and meltes her. Mercurie perswaded &
swore her, Jupiters authoritie secur'dsecured, and Vulcan
hammered her, As Hesperus shee presentes youyou wthwith
her Bonum vtile, As Vesper wthwith her Bonum delectabile
because it is pleasanntest in the Eveninge. And because
Industrious men rise, and endeavour wthwith the Sunne in
their Civill businesses, this Starr calls them vp a little
before, and remembers them againe, a little after for her
businesse, for Certainely
venit Hesperus ite Capellæ
was spoken to Lovers in the presence of the Goates
Why are newe Officers least
oppressinge?
Must the olde Proverbe, That olde dogges bite sorest,
be true in all finde of dogges? me thinckes the fresh
memory they haue of the mony they parted wthwith for
the place, should hasten them for the re-embursinge
And perchaunce they doe but seeme easier to their Sutors,
who
who (as all other Patientes) doe accompt all change of
paine easie; But if it besoe, it is either because the
suddaine sence, and contentment of the honour of the
place, retardes, and remittes the rage of their proffittes,
and soe havinge staid their stomackes, they can forbeare
the second Course a whyle; or havinge overcome the
steepiest part of the Hill, and Chambered above
Competitions, and oppositions, they dare loyter, and
take breath perchaunce, beinge come from places, where
they tasted no gaine, a little seemes much at first, for
it is longe before a Christian conscience overtakes, or
strayes into an OfficersOfficers hart, It maye be that out of
a generall disease of all men not to love the memory of
Predecessor, they seeke to disgrace them by such easiness, &
make good first impressions, that so havinge drawen much
water to their mill, they maye after grinde at ease: fforFor
if from the rules of good horsemanshipp they thought it
wholesome to Iett out a moderate pace, they should also
take vpp towardes their Iornies end, not mend their pace
Contynually, and Gallop to their Inn dore the Graue;
Except perchaunce their Conscience at that tyme so touch
them, that they thinck it an Iniury, and damage
both to him that must sell, and to him that must buy
the Office after their death, and a kinde of delapidation,
if they by Contynuinge honest should discreditt the
place and bringe it to a lower Rent or vndervalue
Why
82
Why is there more varietie of Greene
then of other Collours
It is because it is the ffigureFigure of youth wherein nature
would provide, as my Greenes as youth hath affections,
and so present a Sea-Greene for profuse wasters in
voyages; A grass Greene for sudden new men ennobled
from Grasiers, And a Goose Greene for such polli-
titions as pretend to preserve the Capitoll or else
prophetically foreseeinge an Age wherein they shall
hunte: And for such as misdemeane themselves, a willowe
Greene: fforFor maiestrates must aswell have Maces borne
before them, to Chastice the smale Offences, as Secures
to Cutt of the greate.