The Sculler

Rowing from Tiber to Thames with his Boate laden with a Hotch-potch, or Gallimawfry of Sonnets, Satyres, and Epigrams.
With an Addition of Pastorall Equivocques or Complaint of a Shepheard.

by John Taylor

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To the whole kennel of Anti-Christs hounds, Priests, friers, monks, and Jesuits, mastiffs, mongrels, Islands, Spanniells, blood-hounds, bobtaile-tike, or foysting-hound: the Sculler sends greeting.

 

Epigram 1.

 

  
  Cyrse, exorcize, with beads, with booke, & bell  
  Poluted shavelings: rage and doe your worst:  
  Use conjurations till your bellies burst,  
  With many a Nigromanticke mumbling spell,  
  I feare you not, nor all your friends that fell  
  With Lucifer: Ye damned dogs that durst  
  Devise that thundering treason most accurst,  
  Whole like before that never hatchd in hell:  
  Halfe men, halfe devils, who never dreamed of good,  
  To you from faire and sweetly sliding Thames,  
  A popomasticke Sculler war proclaimes,  
  As to the suckers of imperiall blood.  
  An Anti-Jesuit Sculler with his pen,  
 

Defies your Babell Beast, and all his den.

 

  
 
J. T.
  
 

Epigram 2.


  
  Rome, now approaches thy confusion,  
  Thy Anti-Christian Kingdome downe must tumble,  
  Like Nimrods proud cloud-pearcing Babilon,  
  Thy hell-hatchd pride, despite thy heart must humble.  
  In scorne of dambd equivocation,  
  My lines like thunder through thy Regions rumble.  
  Downe in the duste must lye thy painted glory ,  
  For now I rowe and write thy tragicke story.  
 

Epigram 3.


  
  When God had all things out of nothing fram’d,  
  And man had named all things that are nam’d:  
  What ill would dam him, or what good would save him  
  All creatures that the world did then containe,  
  Were all made subjects to mans Lordly raigne.  
  Faire Paradice was princely ADAMS walke,  
  Where God himselfe did often with him talke:  
  At which the Angels, envious and proud,  
  Striv’d to ascend above the highest clowd:  
10 And with the mighty God to make compare,  
  And of his glory to have greatest share:
  
  Because they saw Gods love to man so great,  
  They strived to throw their maker from his seat,  
  But he, whose power is All-sufficient,  
  Did headlong hurle them from Heavens battlement:  
  And for with envious pride they so did swell,  
  They lost Heavens glory for the paines of Hell.  
  In all this time man living at his ease,  
  His wife nor he not knowing to displease  
20 Their glorious maker, till the sonne of night  
  Full fraught with rage, and poison bursting spight,
  
  Finding alone, our actient Grandam EVE,  
  With false perswasions makes her to beleeve,  
  If she would eat the fruit she was forbidden,  
  She should Gods secrets know, were from her hidden,  
  Supposing all was true, the Serpent told,  
  They both to ADAM straightway did unfold,  
  This treacherous horrid vile soule-killing treason,  
  And he ambitious, past the bounds of reason,  
30 (To his posterities sole detriment)  
  Doth to the Woman and the Fiend consent.
  
  Yet Adam never had the Devill obayed,  
  Had he not had the woman for his ayd.  
  Loe thus the sex that God made, man to cherish,  
  Was by the Devill intic’te to cause him perish.  
  Sathan supposing he had wonne the field,  
  (In making man to his obedience yeeld)  
  Poor Adam now in corps and minds dejected,  
  From head to foote with shamefull sinne infected:  
40 Is now a slave to sinne, the Devill, and death,  
  Dreading the danger of th’almighties wrath.
  
  From Eden banisht, from Gods presence thrust,  
  And all the earth being from his crime accurst:  
  opprest with griefe and selfe consuming care,  
  Being at the brim of bottomeles despaire.  
  Yet God in mercy thinking of his frailty,  
  Though sinnefull man to him had broken fealty:  
  Did promise he would send his onely Sonne,  
  To satisfy for faults by man misdone.  
50 At last he came, in his appoynted time,  
  And on his faultles shoulders tooke our crime:
  
  And like a malefactor death he sufferd,  
  And once for all, himselfe himselfe hath offered.  
  And yet the Devill will not be satisfide,  
  (Although the Sonne of God for sinners dide)  
  But dayly hellish damned enterprises,  
  His ministers and he gainst man devises,  
  Under the shelter of Religions cloake,  
  Sedititiously he doth the world provoke,  
60 Gainst God in traytrous maner to rebell,  
  To amplifie his everlasting hell,
  
  Attempting mankinde still by fraud or force,  
  His soule from his redeemer to divorce:  
  And yet not man alone must feele his sting,  
  But he dares venture on our heavenly King,  
  Whose power, though Sathan knowes is everlasting,  
  Yet after forty dayes and nights long fasting,  
  Thinking him weake, attempts now to invade him,  
  And with illusions seeking to perswade him:  
70 Carries our Saviour up unto a hill,  
  And told him if he would obey his will,
  
  In adoration fall downe before him,  
  He of this worlds greatest glory would so store him,  
  That he should Lord and Master be of all,  
  If he in reverence would before him fall.  
  Christ knowing him to be the roote of all evill,  
  With God-like power commaunds, avoyd thou devill:  
  Tis writ, thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God,  
  But serve and feare the fury of his rod.  
80 Sathan perceiving all his labour lost,  
  Runnes through the world more swifter than a post:
 
  Proclaimes large kingdomes, and a tryple Crowne,  
  To him that in his reverence would fall downe.  
  Ambitious thirst of fickle fading fame,  
  Did quickely mindes of men inflame:  
  Making them dreame on pleasures transitory,  
  And to esteeme earths pompe above heavens glory.  
  This made the Pope, with poysnous pride infusde,  
  T’accept those honors Christ before refusde:  
90 Now hath he wonne great fame, on this condition,  
  That fore the devill he fall in base submission:
  
  So having won this great magnificence,  
  To countermaund the earths circumference:  
  The Idiot World he proudly over-swayes,  
  Under the name of heavens immortall Kayes,  
  Ore all the Globe he raignes as Lord & King,  
  And to Hells Goate-folde aye doth millions bring  
  Of soules, seduc’d with buzard blinded zeale,  
  From men besotted he doth honor steale.  
100 And yet with his effrontit shameless face,  
  And in rebellion gainst the Pope she kicks:
  
  For whome they have invented hell-hatcht plots,  
  Quite to extirp the English and the Scots.  
  I wot not which of Rome or hell roard lowder,  
  But they had like t’have peperd us powder.  
  Yea all estates from Scepter to the Clowne  
  Should topsie turvy all be tumbled downe.  
  Without respect of person, sex, or age,  
  All had their doome, t’abide the Romane rage.  
120 But to guard his Chruch, did laugh them all to scorne:  
  For when those vassels of eternall night,
  
  Thought all secure, then God brought all to light,  
  Crafting their painted glory in the dust,  
  That any power besides his power doth trust:  
  Leaving their Corps a prey for Crowes and Kites,  
  That bravely so for Signior Sathan fights.  
  But in this matter Ile no longer travell,  
  Least want of water make my Ship to gravell:  
  Knowing theres many wits of farre more worth,  
130 That to the life hath limd this treason forth:  
  But Ile conclude as I began before,  
  Because that Christ would not the Devill adore,  
  Christ lost this glorious worldly pompous raigne,  
  Which happy losse the haples Pope did gaine.  
 

Epigram 4.


  
  How weakely is that weake Religion grounded,

Math. 16.
  That thinks the Church on Peters corps is founded?

If the corps of Peter be the Churches

  The spouse of Christ is built on faiths firme rocke, foúdation, as thé Papists saine, thé
  Which not the fury of hells direfull shock, how shold the spouse of our Saviour have
  Though all the fiends in troopes doe her assaile, done if the Apostle Peter had never been
  Yet gainst Gods power their force cannot prevaile, borne.
  Peters confessing Christ Gods true begotten,  
  Is sure the Churches ground, but Peters rotten,  
  Or else if Peter never had had life,  
  Through want of him Christ never had had wife.  
  For tis an Article of faith profound,  
  To know St. Peter for the Churches ground.  
  And who denies it shall have fire and rope,  
  Beleeve me Reader or goe aske the Pope.  
  And yet I muse in what place of this earth,  
  Gods Church did stand before Saint Peters birth?  
 

Epigram 5.


  
  When as our Saviour to the Temple went,  
  To tell the message that his father sent:  
  And finding there a rude unruly rout,  
  That bought and sold: he angry, beat them out,  
  And overthrew their tressels and their tables,  
  And made them packe away with all their bables:  
  And further sayd (what all true hearts beleeves)  
  This house was made for prayer, no den for theeves.  
  Those marchants thus whipt from their market place,  
  Practisd revenge gainst Christ for this disgrace.  
  And more, to strength their power, joyned with the Pope  
  Who by his lawles lawes hath given them scope,  
  That in the Church they still should buy and sell  
  Both God and Devill, Heaven, Purgatory, Hell.  
  Now heeres the ods, Christ out the Pedlars thrust,  
  And stayd himselfe there, preaching what was just.  
  And for revenge, the hawty Romane Priest,  
  Hath tane the Pedlars in, and thrust out Christ.  
 

Epigram 6.


  
  It is a question farre beyond my Logick, ‘Tis more then I can beleeve that the Devil
  How those that have the Popedome won by Magick, hath power to elect a Officer for God. Being of
  Can be Liefetenants unto Christ our Saviour, the Devils placing or displacing, the Pope
  Being knowne for hell-hounds of most dambd behaviour must needs bee the Devils deputy
  Then since the devill hath the Pope created, & not Christs
  His Vicar must he be that there him seated:  
  Twould make a wiser head then mine to muse,  
  That God should like the man the Devill doth chuse.  
 

Epigram 7.


  
  A Proverb old, where had the Devill the Fryer?  
  Where had the Devill the Frier but where he was?  
  The Devill with the Frier, sits in the quire,  
  The Fryer with the Devill says and sings Masse:  
  The Devill and the Frier are nere asunder,  
  The Fryer to hate the Devill is more then wonder.  
 

Epigram 8


  
  Conferring with a Romish Pharisie, I my self did talk with such a fellow,
  Who voyd of grace maintaind this heresy, and if occasion serve I can produce him.
  That he the law of God had never broken,  
  Nor never ill had done, nor ill had spoken.  
  I gave his Antichistian faith the lye,  
  And told him that for him Christ did not dye,  
  For he did suffer onely for their sinne,  
  Who were insnared in the devills Jynne.  
  And as for him that never had transgrest,  
  Twere good to hang him now hee’s at the best.  
 

Epigram 9.


  
  It is an Art beyond the worke of Nature, Tis a rare piece of work for the pot
  The Pope should be Creator, and a creature: to make the Potter.
  Betwixt the Pope and God there’s one thing od,  
  For though God all things made, the Pope makes God.  
 

Epigram 10.


  
  Religion’s scatter’d into divers sects, If the devil be true to his servants, two
  One likes one way for many sound respects, principle Axioms will to the end of the
  Others like that way, others like another, worlde, helpe the Papists at a dead lift.
  And what likes t’one, is loathed by the tother.  
  Yet each man deemes his own opinions right,  
  And each gainst other beares inated spight.  
  Among the rest the Romane Catholike,  
  Who scornes that his Religion sayle should strike  
  To any, since from it two virtues springs,  
  That they may eat their God, and kill their Kings:  
  By which maine maximes they doe strongly hope,  
  To the worlds Period to uphold the Pope.  
 

Epigram 11.

 

  
  IT is no wonder though Romes regall sway, Tis reason a Shepheard should rule Rome
  Is by a Shepard ruld with Lordly fame; because a Shepheard did build it:
  For antient records truly doth display; & it stands by great reason the Pope
  How Romulus the Shepheard built the same: should be of a wolvish nature, because a
  And how his brother Remus and himselfe, wolfe was nurse to his first predecessor .
  In Tybers ruthless waves, ydrencht and duckt, Romulus
  When infant misery was all their pelfe,  
  A ravening wolfe, most mother-like they suckt:  
  From whome doth spring as from a flowing gulfe,  
  Romes Priest, and Prince, a Shepheard, and a Wolfe.  
 

Epigram 12.


  
  Tumulteous thoughts within my breast doth struggle, Thogh al the scriptures doe affirme that the
  To thinke how finely popish Priests can juggle: corporall presence of Christ is in heaven,
  And make the world beleeve, a wafer Cake from whence hee will not come in his bodily
  Is that Creator that did all things make: forme, till hee comes to the generall
 

Or that the sinne-polluted bald-crowned Priest,

judgement: yet a shaveling Priest will dayly
  With conjurations, can create his Christ, take upon him to commaund him downe; and
  When our beliefe doth plainely testify, to juggle him into the shape of a cake or a
  He sits at Gods right hand in majesty, piece of bread.
  From whence in humane forme he will not come,  
  Till quicke and dead shall all abide his dome.  
  What fooles are they then thinkes the priest & Baker,  
  With impious hands make their immortall maker.  
 

Epigram 13.


  
  Not all the sophistry of Aristotle, Alexander the 6. and his sonne Cæsar
  Cannot persuade me but the Pope did err, Borgius were both poysoned with mistaking
  When he and’s sonne mistooke the poysoned bottle, their licor. But if his holynes had ben in
  Twas error sure what ever they inferre. Peters chayre hee could not have erred in
  O’t had bene good then, both for him and’s heire, such a matter.
  He had bene halterd fast in Peters Chayre.  
 

Epigram 14.


  
  The warlike Emperors before Christ come, Heaven, Earth, Sea and land, being all wonne
  Subdude the world, both sea & land to Rome. before these latter times by the Emperors and
  Then afterwards the Heavens, their Bishops wonne, the godly Bishops, There remaines only half
  By preaching truly Gods immortall sonne. for the Pope to make a lawfull claime
  Heaven, Earth, and Sea, being taken in the prime, unto.
  What rests now for the Popes this latter time?  
  Since of the heavens and earth they loose their part,  
  They will have hell despight the devils hart.  
 

Epigram 15.

 

 
  Christs Church in no wayes is the Chruch of Rome, That Church that is so oposite to the
  For Paul sayes, in the latter times should come doctrine of Christ, cánot be Christs wife but
  Apostats that the truth should quite forsake, the devills whore.
  That lyes and fables should Religion make:  
  Affirming meats and matrimony evill,  
  Which Paul doth call the doctrine of the devill.  
  Then since the Pope and all his shaveling rout,  
  What Christ commaunds they wilfully thrust out.  
  I with my betters must conclude this doome,  
  The Devils deere drab must be the Church of Rome.  
 

Epigram 16.


  
  O yes, if any man would know a place, God made Heaven, the Earth, & the Sea, and
  Where God himselfe hath neither power nor might, all things contayed in them: the Pope made
  Where as th’almighty never shew’d his face: Purgatory without Gods leave or knowledge:
  Where words, nor swords can neither talke nor fight. therefore tis no reason that God should have
  O such a placeles place is Purgatory, any thing to do there without the Popes leave.
  Created by the Pope without Gods leave,  
  To amplify his Antichristian glory,  
  And all the world with cunning to deceave,  
  Where as the Pope hangs, drawes, condemnes, & judges,  
  Commits, aquits, sets free, or casts in thrall,  
  Whether he thousands sends, on heapes like drudges,  
  For in this no place, he is all in all:  
  And like a might three-crowned priestly Prince,  
  With threats and bans he so the world bewitches:  
  In sending thither and recalling thence,  
  He gaines himselfe the Devill and all for ritches.  
 

Epigram 17.

 

  
  The Pope hath charge of heavens immortall keyes, His Holynes domineeres over all the devils in
  And triple-headed Cerberus obeyes, this life, but tis but borrowed ware, for they
  His triple Crowne, and who so ere he please, paye him all his old score when he dies, &
  He sends to hell for paine, or heaven for ease. comes to Plutoes host.
  He can commaund the Angells and the Fiends,  
  What pleases them for him or for his friends,  
  Like as a dog doth feare a flitch of bacon,  
  So his great name, Heaven, Earth, and Hell hath shaken.  
 

Epigram 18.

 

  
 

Who dares affirme the Popes of Rome are Proud,

 Seaven goodly virtues, naturally
  Amongst the Heretickes himselfe must shroud: ingrafted in his hellish holynes.
  Or who dares say they’r given to Avarice,  
  In selling heaven and hell for summes of price?  
  Or who dares speake such words of trechery,  
  To say the Pope is given to Letchery?  
  Or who is he, dares be so impious,  
  To say his holynes is Envious?  
  Or who, for feare of everlasting scath,  
  Dares once accuse his holynes of Wrath?  
  Or who is he that dares once verefy,  
  The Pope doth use excessive Gluttony?  
  Or who dares say that like a droane or moath,  
  Like an unpreaching Priest he lives by Sloath?  
  He that against him this dares justifie,  
  Is a plaine Protestant, and such am I.  
 

Epigram 19.


  
  May it be calld intollerable pride, His holynes never learned this of Christ,
  For man to sit in the Almighties seate? nor yet of Peter.
  Or on mens shoulders pompously to ride,  
  To terrifie the World with thundring threate?  
  To weare a three-piled Crowne upon his head?  
  To have both Kings and Princes at his becke?  
  Whose Horse by mighty Potentates is led,  
  Who proudly footes upon the Emperors necke:  
  If trickes like these for pride may be alloud,  
  Then I conclude the Pope must needs be proud.  
 

Epigram 20.

 

  
  If it be covetous for gripple gaine, If you will know the prince of sinne, any
  To fell the Heavens, the Earth, yea God himselfe, ordinary priest can tell you as well Tom
  To dispossesse Kings from their lawfull raigne, Tapster can tell a peny is the the price of a
  To cram his coffers with unlawfull pelfe. pot of ale.
  To pardon sinnes for money, more then pitty:  
  Nay more, to pardon sinnes that are to come:  
  To maintaine whores, & Stewes in Towne and Citty:  
  Who yearely payes the Pope a countles sum,  
  Who takes great interest, puts great sums to use,  
  Tis covetousness I thinke without excuse.  
 

Epigram 21.

 

  
  Is it not bruitish sensuall appetite, Why may not his holines have as much
  The Sire to make a Strumpet of his Childe? privledge as a Beast? For a beast may
  Or is not Letchery an Epithite, lawfully ingender with his own kinred, and the
  For him that hath his fathers bed defiled? Pope is cald a beast in many places of the
  For him that hath deflourd Virginity? Bible.
  That hath defiled the Damsell and the Dam  
  Without respect of Consanginity?  
  That like a Wolfe hath spoyld both Ewe and Lamb?  
  This may be tearmd incestuous Luxury,  
  And yet his Holynes not wrongd thereby.  
 

Epigram 22.


  
  He like a God that governes in the world, It is too true that the Pope envying the glory
  That Envies each mans honor but his owne: of other Princes, hath by fraud or force gotten
  He that sedition through the earth hath hurld, all the earthly glory to himself. Pope Steven
  Whose Envie hath great Kingdomes over throwne. the 6. caused the dead body of his
  He that ungraves his foe that once intombd, predecessor Formosus to be digged up,
  For Envy that he wrongd him whilst he liv’d, & to be cast into the River Tyber.
  And after death is Enviously doombd,  
  To be of liveles senceless lims depriv’d.  
  If this be true none will deny I hope,  
  That Envy is ingrafted in the Pope.  
 

Epigram 23.


  
  He whose fierce Wrath with bloody rage doth swell, Those that reméber the powder treason can
  That takes delight in slaughtering Gods elect: tell if I lie or not, besides many horrible
  He that is sworne Champion of Hell, murthers committed by Popes, which are
  That Wrath and Murder onely doth effect: extant in many learned Authors of their ownd
  He whose combustious all devowring ire, sect.
  Depopulates and layes whole Empires waste,  
  Whose Wrath like a consuming quenchles fire,  
  Hath blessed peace from Christendome displac’te.  
  If I should need one, skild in wrath and murther,  
  His Holynes commaunds me seeke no further.  
 

Epigram 24.


  
  Who dares for Gluttony the Pope accuse, It is a pittifull pining gluttonus fast, to refraine
  Or gainst voluptuous dyet make’s complaints? flesh & eate all maner of fish, & other
  His Holynes so many Fasts doth use, delicates, which they cause to swim in their
  As Lents, and fasting dayes, and Eeves of Saints. bellies with the strongest wine, which makes
  Yet where Pride, Lust, and Avarice are found, his Holynes & al his crew, to look as leane
  Heart gnawing Envy, and fell murdering Wrath, as so many Brawnes, styed up against
  There ravenous Gluttony must needs abound, Christmas.
  Else other vices will be out of breath.  
  For Papists fasts are generally more deare,  
  Then feasts of Protestants with all their cheare.  
 

Epigram 25.

 

  
  Those *Liberall Sciences, in number seaven, *I meane the 7. deadly sinnes.
  Began with Pride, and ends with drowsie Sloath:  
  Yet Christs commaund unto th’Apostles given,  
  Was *feede my Sheepe that faith in them have growth. *His Holyness knowes if hee should feede the
  Now I suppose the feeding of Christs flocke, Sheepe of Christ with such foode as he
  Is truly preaching of his sacred word, cómanded, they would soone finde out his
  Which word’s the Key that opes the heavenly Locke, knavery.
  Which *Sword and Word his Holynes doth hoord. *If the Pope should suffer this sword to be
  Which drawn, cuts his throat and the Devills both, drawne, it wold cut his throat, & his Mr.
  For feare of which he lets it sleepe in sloath. both.
 

The beliefe of a Romish Catholike. Epigram 26.

 

  
  I doe beleeve the holy Pope of Rome, I would wishe that this were not so, but I need
  Is Lord of Scriptures, Fathers, Church and all: not stand long in perswading men to believe it
  Of Counsells, of the world, whose dreadfull doome, for their owne Authors will testifie this & 100
  Can at his pleasure make all rise, or fall. times more.
  I doe beleeve though God forbids the same,  
  That I should worship Images, and Saints:  
  I hope by mine owne works I Heaven may claime,  
  In tongues unknowne, I must make prayers and plaints.  
  I doe believe Christs body make of bread,  
  And may be eaten by Dogs, Cats, or Mice,  
  Yet is a sacrifice for quicke and dead,  
  And may be bought and sold for rated price.  
  I further doe beleeve the Pope our Lord, I thinke as you thinke, what thinke you?
  Can at his pleasure all my sinnes forgive.  
  I do beleeve at his commaunding word,  
  Subjects must Kings of lives & lands deprive.  
  Like as the Church believes so I believe:  
  By which I hope the heavens I shall atchieve.  
 

Epigram 27.


  
  Like as the Vipers birth’s his mothers bane,  
  So the Popes Full, hath bene the Emperors Wane:  
  The Empires Autumne was the popish Spring,  
  And Kings subjection make the Pope a King.  
  Then did his holines become a God,  
  When Princes children like, gan feare his rod.  
  Whilst earthly potentates their owne did hold  
  The Pope then shepheard like did keep their fold.  
  And fore the sacred truth should be orecome,  
10 They manfully would suffer martyrdome.  
  But farwell Martyrs now, and welcome Miters,  
  For paineful Preachers now, contentius fighters  
  With blood or gold assends the papall chaire,  
  Under the title of St. Peters heire.  
  I thinke if truth were brought unto a tryall,  
  The Pope is heire to Peter in denyall  
  .But want of penitence proclaimes him base,  
  A Bastard, not of Peters blessed race,  
  Unles when Christ did call th’Apostle devill,  
20 Hee’s bastard to the good, and heire to th’evill.  
 

Epigram 28.

 

  
  Me thinkes I heare a swarme of Romanists,  
  Revile and curse, with candle booke, and belle:  
  Yea all the poleshorne crew of Antichrists,  
  Condemnes me all without remorse to hell.  
  But I with resolution so doe arme me,  
  Their blessings doe no good, nor cursing harme me.  
 

Epigrame 29.

 

  
  I that have rowed from Tyber unto Thames,  
  Not with a Sculler, but with Scull and Braines:  
  If none will pay my fare, the more their shames,  
  I am not first unpaid that hath tane paines.  
 

Yet Ile be bold if payment be delayd,

  
  To say and sweare your Sculler is not payd.  
 

Satire


  
  Thou that hast ever bene a roving Theefe,  
  A diving Cutpurse, or a perjurd Slave,  
  And in all villany hast bene the Chiefe,  
  And with a brasen brow canst justice brave,  
  That stealst thy pedegree from antient houses,  
  And jetst in broaking Sattin every day:  
  That takst delight in stabbing and Carowses,  
  Not caring how thou letst thy loose life stray.  
  Thou that hast bene a Traytor to thy Prince,  
10 A great Arch-villaine to thy native soyle,  
  And wouldst by treachery exile from thence,  
  The blessed peace hath bene procurd with toyle.  
  Thou that hath bene a Machivilian  
  For damned slights, conceits, and pollicy:  
  Thou that hast bene an Antichristian,  
  Or Scysmaticke with blinded heresy.  
  If any of these vile iniquities,  
  Have bene the Axioms of thy passed life;  
  Then view the Roles of old antiquities,  
20 And see goods got with falshood, lost with strife.  
  There shalt thou see how Justice evermore,
  
  Hath poyz’d the Ballance, and upheld the Sword,  
  How Gravitie inspired with Wisdomes lore,  
  Hath Vertue honord, and foule Vice abhord.  
  How Treason hath bene severd lim from lim,  
  How Theft and Murder there have paid their hire:  
  How those that erst in worldly pompe did swim,  
  Have soyld their fortunes in disgraces mire.  
  How Perjury hath forfeited his eares,  
30 How Cheating’s mounted on the Pillory,  
  How graceles impudents, that nothing feares,
  
  Doe end their dayes in loathed misery.  
  How Usury is plagued with the Gowt,  
  How Avarice complayneth of the Stone:  
  How guilty Consciences are still in dout,  
  How Envy gnawes on Honor to the bone.  
  How lechery is laden with the pox,  
  How Prodigallity doth end with woe:  
40 How Panderisme is headed like an Ox,  
  Because the destinies apoynt it so.  
  How drunkennes is with the dropsie fraught,
 
  And made his visage like a fiery Commet,  
  Who being full must leave the tother draught,  
  Till like a Swine he wallow in his vommet.  
  How dambd hipocrisie with faigned zeale,  
  And outward shew of painted holynes:  
  (Doth like a Canker eat the publike weale )  
  All scornefull pride, yet seemes all lowlynes.  
  To thee that readst this, therefore be it knowne,  
50 If any of those vices are immurde  
  Within thy heart, not to the World yet showne:
  
  If by this reading thou maist be allurde,  
  To turne thy tide of life another way,  
  And to amendment all thy thoughts incline:  
  And to thy rebell will no more obay,  
  But seeke by vertuous actions to combine  
  Fame to thy friends, and terror to thy foe,  
  And say twas friendly counsell told thee so.  
 

Satire


 
  This childish Anticke, doating pie-bald world,  
  Through which the Devill, all blacke sins hath hurld:  
  Hath bene so long by wickednes prest downe,  
  From the freese Plow-swaine to th’Imperiall Crowne.  
  We have so long in vice accustomd bin,  
  That nothing that is wicked lookes like sin.  
  The glistring Courtier in his gaudy tire,  
  Scornes with his heeles to know his russet Sire.  
  The pettifogging Lawyer crammes up Crownes,  
10 From hobnayld Boores, and sheepeskin country Clownes  
  The gaping, greedy, gryping Usurer,  
  The sonne of Hell, and Sathans treasurer:  
  The base extorting blacke sould bribing Broaker,  
  The bane of Mankinde, and his Countries choaker.  
  The helhownd whelps, the shoulder-clapping Serjent,  
  That cares not to undoe the world for Argent.  
  The postknight that will sweare away his soule,  
  Though for the same, the law his eares doe powle.  
  The smoaky black-lungd pust Tobacconist,  
20 Whose joy doth in Tobacco sole consist,  
  The chollericke Gull that’s tangled with a Drab,  
  And in her quarrell will his father stab.  
  The baudy dry boand letcherous Baboone,  
  Would faine repent, but thinkes it is too soone.  
  The ryming Jygmonger would be a Poet,  
  But that the Rascall hath not wit to show it.  
  The wrinkled Bawd, and dambd Vermillian whore,  
  That buyes and sells the pox t’increae their store.  
  The greasy eavesdropping dore-keeping Pander,  
30 That with a Punke to any man will wander.  
  The conycatching shifter steales most briefe,  
  And when hees hangd heele cease to be a thiefe.  
  The drowsie Drunkard, will carrowse and quaffe,  
  Till like a Hog he tumble in his draffe.  
  Besides, theres divers other helborne sinnes:  
  As some great men are wrapt in Misers skinnes,  
  For feare of whose dislike Ile hold me still,  
  And not bumbast them with my Ganders quill.  
  Consider with thy selfe good Reader then,  
40 That heere thou liv’st amongst those wicked men,  
  Who on this earthly stage together keepe,  
  Like maggots in a putrified sheepe.  
  Whose damned dealings blacke confusion brings,  
  By the just judgement of the King of Kings.  
 

Pastorall Equivocks, or a Shepheards complaint.


  
  I That have trac’d the mountaines up and downe,
  
  And pipde and chanted Songs and peasant layes:  
  The whilst my flokes have friskt it on the downe,  
  Now blinded love my sportive pleasures layes.  
  I that on greeny grasse could lay me downe,  
 

And sleepe as soundly as on beds of downe.

 

  
  I then was free from loves all wounding blowe,  
  My Ewes and Lambs then merrily could folde:  
  I carde not then which way the winde did blowe,  
10 Nor had I cause with griefe my armes to folde,  
  I feard not Winters frost, nor Summers sonne,
  
 

And then was I a happy mothers sonne.

 

  
  I then could haunt the Market and the Faire,  
  And in a frolicke humor leape and spring:  
  Till she whose beauty did surpasse all faire,  
  Did with her frosty nicenes nip my Spring.  
  Then I alas, alas unhappy I,  
 

Was made a captive to her scornefull eie.

 

  
  When love’s fell shaft within my breast did light,  
20 Then did my Cock-horse pleasures all a light,  
  Loves fiery flames ecclipsed all my light,
  
  And she unkinde, weyde all my woes to light.  
  O then my merry dayes away did hie,  
 

When I so lowe did dote on one so hie.

 

  
  Her beauty, which did make Loves Queene a Crowe,
 
  Whose white did shame the Lilly, red the Rose.  
  When Phoebus messenger the Cocke did crowe,  
  Each morne when from hia Antipods he rose.  
  Despight of gates, and barres, and bolts, and lockes,  

30

 

Heed kisse her face, and guild her golden lockes.

 

  
  Which makes my rest, like those that restles be,
  
  Like one that’s hard pursude, and cannot flye:  
  Or like the busie buzzing humming Bee,  
  Or like the fruitles nought respected Flye.  
  That cuts the subtill ayre so swift and fast,  
 

Till in the Spiders web hee’s tangled fast.

 

  
  As blustring Boreas rends the lofty Pyne,  
  So her unkindenes rends and reaves my heart;  
  I weepe, I waile, I sigh, I grone, I pine,  
40 I inward bleed as doth the wounded Hart.  
  She that alone should onely wish me well,  
 

Hath drownd my joyes in sorrowes joyles well.

 

  
  The ruthles Tyger, and the savage Beare,
  
  All Beasts and Birds of prey that haunt the wood,  
  In my laments doe seeme some part to beare,  
  But onely She whose feature makes me wood,  
  As barbing Autumne robs the trees of leaves:  
 

Her stormelike scorne me voyd of comfort leaves.

 

  
  No Castle, Fort, no Rampier, or strong Hold,  
50 But Love will enter without Law or Leave:  
  For where affections force hath taken hold,  
  There lawles love will such impression leave  
  That Gods, nor men, nor fier, earth, water, winde,  
 

From Loves straight lawes can neither turne nor wind.

 

  
  Then since my haples haps falls out so hard,
 
  Since all the fates on me their anger powre:  
  Since my laments and moanes cannot be heard,  
  And she on me shewes her commaunding power.  
  What then remaines, but I dissolve in teares,  

60

 

Since her disdaines my heart in pieces teares.

 

  
  Dye then my heart in sorrowes prison pend,  
  Dye face thats cullord with a deadly dye:  
  Dye hand that in her praise hath Poems pend,  
  Hart, Face, and Hand, haples and helples dye.  
  Thou Serjeant Death, that rests and tak’st no bale,  
 

Tis onely thou must ease my bitter bale.

 

  
  This said, he sighd, and fell into a sownd,
 
  That all the Hills, and Groves, and neighbouring Plaines,  
  The Ecchoes of his groanings seemd to sound,  
70 With repercussion of his dying plaines.  
  And where in life he scorned counsell grave,  
  Now in his death he rests him in his grave.  
 

Epitaph.


  
  Here lies ingrav’d whose life fell death did sacke,  
  Who to his grave was brought upon a Beere:  
  For whome let all men ever mourne in Sacke  
  Or else remember him in Ale or Beere.  
  He who in life Loves blinded God did lead,  
  Now in his death lies heere as cold as Lead.  
 

Sonnet: In trust lies treason.


  
  The fowlest friends assumes the fairest formes,  
  The fairest Fields doth feed the fowlest Toad:  
  The Sea at calm’st most subject is to stormes,  
  In choysest fruit the canker makes aboad.  
  So in the shape of all believing trust,  
  Lyes toad invenomd treason cooched close,  
  Till like a storme his trothles thoughts out burst,  
  Who canker-like had laine in trusts repose.  
  For as the fire within the flint confide,  
  In deepest Ocean still unquencht remaines:  
  Even so the false though truest seeming minde,  
  Despight of truth the treason still retaines.  
  Yet maugre treason trust deserveth trust,  
  And trust survives when treason dies accurst.  
 

 

Death with the foure Elements.

  
  Two Infant-twinnes a Sister and a Brother,  
  When out of dores was gone their carefull Sire,  
  And left his babes in keeping with their mother,  
  Who merrily sate singing by the fire.  
  Who having fild a tub with water warme,  
  She bathd her girle (O ruthles tale to tell)  
  The whilst she thought the other safe from harme,  
  (Unluckily) into the fire he fell:  
  Which she perceiving lets her daughter drowne,  
  And rashly ran to save her burning sonne.  
  Which finding dead, she hastily casts downe,  
  And all agast, doth to the water runne:  
  Where seeing tother was deprived of breath,  
  She gainst the earth falls downe and dasht her braines:  
  Her Husband comes and sees this worke of death,  
  And desperate hangs himselfe to ease his paines:  
  Thus death with all the elements conspire,  
  To reave mans life; Earth, Water, Aire, and Fire.  
 

Epilogue.


  
  Good Reader, if my harshe unlearned rimes,  
  (Wherewith my Muse hath whipt these heedles times)  
  Hath pleasd thy pallat with their true endeavor:  
  She then will thinke her selfe most fortunate,  
  And shall heere after be impotunate.  
  Her selfe in better labors to persever.  
  I speake not to those ignorant Jacke-dawes,  
  That with their their Canker-biting envious jawes,  
  Will seeme to staine my muses innocence.  
  But in all humblenes I yeeld to those,  
  Who are detracting Ignorances foes:  
  And loves the labors of each good pretence.  
  Dislike and scorne may chance my Booke to smother,  
  But kinde acceptance brings forth such another.  
  You that the Sculler right doth understand,
  
  Hees very glad you’r safely come to land.  
  But if that any snarling manlike Monster,  
  His honest meaning wrongfully misconster:  
  To such is all despight, he sends this word,  
 

From Booke and Boat heele hurle them over boord.

 

  
 
J.T.
  

FINIS.

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Notes

Islands: possible reference to Shetland Sheepdog, a popular breed used to guard and herd sheep. tike: dog, cur; uncouth person. foysting: foisting; cheating; palming “fixed dice” and introducing them when needed
Sculler: boatperson (OED).
beads: rosary.
Bell: altar bell which is rung at high mass and other specific times.
shavelings: shaved or having a shaved head, as in monks or friars.
Nigromanticke: black magic
durst: dared.
popomasticke: scourging the Pope.
Babell Beast: in Revelation 17 the whore of Babylon is depicted "sitting on a scarlet beast that was full of blasphemous names, and it had seven heads and ten horns." Reformation commentators frequently associated the seven heads wiuth Rome's seven hills, and hence associated the beast with the Papacy.
Nimrods: Nimrod: a tyrannical ruler; a tyrant; Nimrod was a symbol of rebellion against God. Babilon: Babylon, ancient city spoken of in Genesis 11and Revelation 17; customarily represents "hell, the world, the impious, sin" (Jeffrey 69)
equivocation: words used to give a double meaning with the intent to mislead (OED).
painted glory: painted; having the face artificially coloured (OED); associated here with prostitution, an allusion to Rome as the Whore of Babylon.
posterities: descendants'.
intic’te: enticed.
corps: body.
dide: died.
after forty dayes … the fury of his rod: Matthew 4:1-10.
post: post-rider; stooping eagle; Job 9:25-26.
large kingdomes: countries whose official religion is Catholicism (mainly Italy, France, and Spain). tryple tryple Crowne: the threefold papal tiara which symbolizes the Pope’s authority in heaven, on earth, and in hell; often, for Protestants, associated with tyranny.
heavens immortall Kayes: Keys of Heaven; Roman Catholic doctrine held that the Pope could admit souls from purgatory into heaven.
buzard: Senseless, stupid, ‘blind’ (OED)
effrontit: affronted.
extirp: extirpate, uproot.
wot: know.
peperd us powder: a reference to the gunpowder plot (November 5, 1605), a conspiracy led by the Roman Catholic Guy Fawkes that aimed to blow up the Houses of Parliament while the King and Lords and Commons were in session.
Kites: kite: a bird of prey; one who preys upon others (OED).
spouse of Christ: in NT, a common metaphor for the Church;
St. Peter for the Churches ground: see Matthew 16:18; the Council of Florence,1439, declared “that the holy apostolic see, and the Roman pontiff, holds the primacy over the whole world, that the Roman pontiff is the successor of blessed Peter, prince of the apostles, that he is the true vicar of Christ, the head of the whole Church and the father and teacher of all Christians, and that to him was committed in blessed Peter the full power of tending, ruling and governing the whole church, as is contained also in the acts of ecumenical councils and in the sacred canons.”
When as our Saviour to the Temple went: Matthew 21:12; Mark 11:15; John 2:15.
bables: baubles, probably punning on the Tower of Babel, and the confusion of language with which God cursed its proud builders, Genesis 11:1-9.
heeres the ods: here’s what’s odd.
tane: taken
Vicar: in this context, proxy, substitute, representative (OED).
where had the Devill the Fryer: "Up his ass" would seem to be the answer to what is more a riddlle than a proverb. See the Summoner's Prologue in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (25-35)


Hold up thy tayl, thou Sathanas!' quod he;
'Shewe forth thyn ers, and lat the frere se
Where is the nest of freres in this place!'
And er that half a furlong wey of space,
Right so as bees out swarmen from an hyve,
Out of the develes ers ther gonne dryve
Twenty thousand freres on a route,
And thurghout helle swarmed al aboute,
And comen agayn as faste as they may gon,
And in his ers they crepten everychon.
He clapte his tayl agayn and lay ful stille.


quire: that part of the church appropriated to singers(OED).
Pharisie: self-righteous hypocrite (OED).
Jynne: gin = ingenuity, cunning, craft, skillful in contriving
eat their God: ridiculing the doctrine of transubstantiation. kill their Kings: another reference to the gunpowder plot.
dead lift: exerting his utmost strength at a dead weight beyond his power to move (OED)
built the same: built that same city (Rome).
Tyber: river that flows through Rome.
pelfe: pelf, property pilfered or stolen, spoil, booty (OED)
How Romulus… mother-like they suckt: Romulus and Remus were the twin sons of Mars, the god of War. As infants the two were orphaned, cast into the Tiber, found and nursed by a wolf, but raised by a herdsman. In attempting to found a new dynastic city, the two argue and Romulus kills Remus. In the end, Romulus rules the newly founded Rome for 37 years.
quicke and dead: living and dead (Acts 10:42).
and’s: and his
O’t had bene: Oh it would have been.
What rests now: what remains now.
hart: heart; or desire.
in the latter times should come / Apostats: 2 Timothy 3:1-7.
Affirming meats and matrimony evill: Taylor is ridiculing fasting and clerical celibacy.
drab: harlot, prostitute (OED).
three-crowned: the threefold papal tiara which symbolizes the Pope’s authority in heaven, on earth, and in hell; associated with tyranny by 16C. Protestant commentators.
bans: interdictions, excommunications (OED).
immortall keyes: the Keys of Heaven Jesus gives to the apostle Peter (Matthew 16:19).
Cerberus: a triple-headed guard-dog that sits at the entrance to the underworld in Greek myth.
flitch of bacon: side of bacon.
Pluto: Greek god of the underworld, lord of Hades.
In selling heaven and hell for summes of price: a satirical reference to the selling of indulgences
scath: scathe, hurt, harm damage (OED)
droane: drone, sluggard; a person who lives on the work of others (OED).
Sloath: sloth, laziness.
gripple: greedy
Stewes: brothels.
Sire to make a Strumpet of his Childe: possible allusion to Lucrezia Borgia who was accused of incest with both her father (Pope Alexander VI) and her brothers.
the Pope is cald a beast in many places of the Bible: reformers claimed that the Pope was the Antichrist spoken of in the book of Revelations.
Brawnes: boars (or swine) as fattened for the table (OED)
feede my Sheepe: John 21:17.
Sword and Word: possibly Ephesians 6:17.
tongues unknowne: the Latin liturgy.
Vipers birth’s his mothers bane: referring to the common belief that vipers were born by eating their way out of their mother’s belly.
 the Popes Full: full moon, hence, figuratively, ascendancy.
Miters: miter, head-dress of a bishop or abbot (OED).
when Christ did call th’Apostle devill: see Matthew 6:23
brasen: brazen, shameless.
jetst: jet; To assume a pompous gait or make a vaunting display in walking (OED). broaking: broking? The meaning is obscure; OED records several senses, including brokering, procuring, and base-dealing or contemptible. All match Taylor's tone; none quite fits the grammatical context.
Machivilian: preferring expediency over morality; following Machiavelli’s suggestion of duplicitous statecraft and general conduct (OED).
Scysmaticke: schismatic, one who promotes a breach of unity in the Church.
hire: due, recompense, reward.
erst: earlier, before the present time (OED)
forfeited his eares: Cutting off ears was a not uncommom corporal punishment in early modern England, though the frequently cited cases concern sedition, forgery and robbery.
the Stone: A hard morbid concretion in the body, esp. in the kidney or urinary bladder, or in the gallbladder (OED). Figuratively associated with Avarice.
pox: venereal disease.
Panderisme: pandering; procuring the services of a prostitute; pimping. headed like an Ox: obscure; perhaps implying that the cuckold's horns are a fitting punishment for promoting fornication.
destinies: the fates, three sisters in Greek mythology, Clotho (distaff), Lachesis (spinner), and Atropos (shears) who were said to determine the course and length of human life.
dropsie: dropsy, a morbid condition characterized by the accumulation of watery fluid in the serous cavities or the connective tissue of the body ; figuraqtively, an insatiable thirst or craving (OED)
Canker: larval insect that destroys the buds and leaves of plants; rotting disease of plants (OED). weale: weal: welfare, well-being, happiness, prosperity.
immurde: enclosed, imprisoned, confined.
freese: frieze; coarse woollen cloth.
tire: attire.
hobnayld: rustic, boorish, clownish.
sould: souled.
Argent: silver.
postknight: a known liar; “knight of the post” or pillory.
powle: nail. Offenders sentenced to the pillory sometimes had their ears nailed to the post.
pust: pustuled.
chollericke: choleric, hot tempered, quick to anger; Gull: one easily cheated (gullible).
baudy: bawdy; filthy, lecherous. Baboone: like the goat, the baboon is associated with lechery.
faine repent: desire to repent.
Jygmonger: seller or producer of jigs, comic song or trivial rhymes.
Bawd: pimp, a panderer (see above), sexual go-between. Vermillian: vermilion: a bright red or scarlet; associated with sin.
Pander: one who supplies sexual amusements; pimp (OED).
Punke: punk; prostitute, strumpet, harlot.
conycatching: Cheating, duping, knavery (OED).
quaffe: drink deeply.
bumbast: bombast; to swell out, render grandiose (a speech or literary composition) with bombastic language. The OED records no uses of the word to denote hyperbolic abuse.
.layes: short lyric or narrative poems intended to be sung (OED).
flokes: flocks
carde: cared
nicenes: niceness; reserve, shyness, coyness (OED).
Cock-horse: mounted aloft (as on a horse), perched up, lofty (OED).
weyde all my woes to light: weighed all my woeds too lightly.
away did hie: hasten, speed, go quickly (OED)
one so hie: high
Phoebus: Apollo as the sun-god; the sun personified (OED).
hia: his (probable typographical error); Antipods: antipodes: the opposite side of the world (OED).
Boreas: the north-wind (OED)
Hart: red deer
wood: mad, extremely rash or reckless (OED).
barbing: Shaving; stripping bare. This passage actually appears in the OED to illustrate this usage.
haps: luck, chance, fortune (OED).
powre: pour.
in sorrowes prison pend: penned, confined.
cullord: coloured.
Poems pend: poems penned
tak’st no bale: bail, security given for the release of a prisoner from imprisonment, pending his trail (OED)
ease my bitter bale: mental suffering; misery, sorrow, grief (OED).
plaines: plaints: lamentations, complaints, pains, grief (OED).
sacke: sack: plunder, despoil; pr perhaps, to drown a person in a sack (OED).
Beere: bier.
Sacke: sackcloth, the material of mourning or penitential garb (OED).
cooched: couched (OED).
trothles: faithless.
maugre: In spite of, notwithstanding; (OED).
reaves: tears; splits, cleaves (OED).
Jacke-dawes: jack-daw: a prating nuisance; emblem of gossip and envy; smallest most dexterous and thieving member of the crow family (OED).
misconster: misconstrue.

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